It has become evident that a reduced yoga class load (center where I teach has been closed for 3 weeks) has renewed my own yoga practice. I’ve been doing yoga on my own (with help of the internet) almost every day. I’ve found some particularly challenging sequences that have led me to see inversions differently & have renewed my effort with them.
So much so that a couple days ago I kicked a hole in the wall. Oops.
I was attempting to press up from a wide legged fold into a half head stand (just barely putting pressure on the head for more balance) half shoulder stand. Something always goes wrong once my legs are all the way up & I lost control. My heel plunged into the dry wall.
I don’t wait days, weeks, or month to tell the truth anymore. Telling the truth after a week & coming clean to my sponsor used to be major progress. For the most part I can be prompt. I waited till after dinner. Thank goodness for AA! It taught me how to have better timing & how not to make everything about me!
Me to my step dad: So you know how you just filled in the holes & patched up the wall where those light fixtures used to be?
SD: Nervously replies, Yes…?
Me: While getting a weird smile/very unpoker type of look on my face, Was it hard?
SD: Getting wise to the situation now, No, why???
Me: Explaining current obsession with inversions to two blank faced parents & concluding with, So I kicked a hole in the wall...
They were completely cool about it. The hole will be repaired eventually, it’s a funny story, & also let’s me know that I should maybe chill the eff out with the handstanding/headstanding/shoulderstanding stuff.
Learn new ways, go slower, scale back a bit.
BALANCE THAT STUFF OUT, right?
Thinking about kicking up one more time…?
My heart was heavy the day after election day. That statement alone tells you most of what you need to know about my voting preferences, right? I feel like I am on one side speaking a different language than the other side. It’s maddening. I am so sad for so many different reasons. I cried. I took a break from Facebook, I had to. Thoughts still spilled onto my Instagram feed, a public account where I mostly just follow yogis. Some ranted. Some said don’t pay any attention. Some said there’s no point in getting sad. I had friends cut me off mid-sentence. I felt very alone.
So strange to get so affected by a election! New experience for me. I have always voted Democrat since right before I got sober. Obama came into office the same year as my sobriety date. The Big Book (AA’s main piece of literature) speaks of SECURITY as being one thing that really fries our character defects. I don’t feel secure so I get fearful. I get fearful so I act out. When I act out a whole bunch of unnecessary drama unfolds. This election really brought that up for me. I freakin love Obama. He makes me feel safe.
& what’s so obviously polarizing is that he’s not everyone’s cup of tea. People dislike him. I have family members & many friends that think very differently from me. I have had to really let that sink in. Some of the fundamental beliefs I have aren’t shared by so many other people. Wouldn’t be scary if we were talking about liking croissants instead of donuts. We’re talking about way bigger & more important issues.
& I love these people. There’s the rub. They are filled with value. They are good. I have spent time with them. I know their hearts. WE JUST HAVE DIFFERENCES IN OPINION. There’s much more I could say about the election here, but I question if it’s helpful.
The Big Book says:
The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison. Page 66
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Page 417
So I’m going to frost AA all over my life like I usually try to do. I’m not going to try to figure shit out. I’m going to agree to disagree with those that think/feel differently than me.
I’m going to show respect.
I’m grateful that I feel happy, joyous, & free just for today. I have yet another yoga audition manana, yikes! I was telling my parents how I’ve never gotten a gig from an audition, that really stings! But I’m glad for where I’ve taught this past year, it’s been right where I needed to be.
Ah, wishing/sending so much love out to you all & the whole earth this holiday season. That those that feel lack will feel very full.
Xo & ~Namaste.