SANDY HIGHS & LOWS

Do you notice how sand has a way of getting into everything?  I am irritated & pleased with it, leftover sand in my shoes weeks after a beach trip makes me smile.  It also scratches floors, is hard to get rid of, & makes my son rub his eyes in frustration.

I took H camping a couple of weeks ago to Nehalem Bay.  It’s a great place, a short walk from a very beautiful beach, standard camp sites with a picnic table, faucet, hook up, & fire pit.  When people asked me about how it went I answered, there were highs & lows.  I think I’ll wait another year before trying it again!

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NOPE, MAMA.  I AIN’T MOVING.

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YES, I DROPPED MY CAMERA & SAVED HIS BURNING MARSH MELLOW!

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I have a friend who has five kids, whom I’ve shared about those highs & lows with.  She says, they are just doing their job.  Your job is to point them towards right instead of wrong.

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that H kept going missing.  I would walk with him & then he would be gone.  I would retrace my steps, searching for him everywhere & frantically.  I would find him & the whole thing would happen again.  It was one of those unpleasant dreams you wake yourself up from.  Those in the middle of the night moments of terror when your mind is most likely to play false tricks.

Some highs & lows:

High:  Waking up with my son’s blue eyes peeping at me in wonder when we woke up in the tent.

Low:  We woke at 6am to birds screeching.

High:  Train ride!

Low:  Train ride at nap time!

High:  S’mores.

Low:  Child picks chocolate out of s’more to eat & then yells/cries about sticky marsh mellow all over hands.

High:  Running through the ocean with glee, not wanting to stop when with parents.

Low:  Refuses to have anything to do with water while with Mama only.

High:  Not being in a controlled environment.

Low:  Not being in a controlled environment.

But what is life without these highs & lows?  Wouldn’t it be boring if he did exactly what I wanted him to all the time?  And my reaction is parallel to how much I am in acceptance in that moment.  I find myself constantly praying to be a better mother, to make the right decisions when I’m with him.  I wonder if he’ll remember this one night flurry of a camping trip when he is older.  Aren’t many Summer trips filled with such a juxtaposition of rampant emotions?

We cut our trip a day short because it was supposed to rain.  I wasn’t about to deal with that presumed low.  It worked out, we ended up going to Cannon Beach on our way home & spent the day with my parents & H’s cousins.

We head out to Idaho next week, thankfully to indoor sleeping spaces to visit with my aunt & uncle.  I know there will be highs & lows & I look forward to them.

Summer 2016 is starting out on the right foot.  I am grateful for all that it has been so far in the past couple weeks.   Wishing/praying/hoping that you will be provided much grace for whichever elevation you are walking upon in this present moment.

Namaste~

 

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RAINBOW WEATHER

My son likes to ‘talk’ about rainbows often.  He signs rainbow, spreading his chunky toddler hand out in the shape of a rainbow & pointing up at the sky.  You have to wait for one, I say, but of course he doesn’t understand that.  The sky here in Oregon is an ever changing landscape in June.  In SoCal I grew very used to the vast, unchanging blue bowl of a sky.  Outdoor plans are always okay.  No rain gear needed, hardly, or whatsoever.  Here, however it could be hailing one stretch of minutes & sunny shortly after.  Rain, hail, cloud cover, bright sun, just wait & it will change.  It is rainbow weather out here.

I was sweating it, last Saturday I had two outdoor yoga events to attend, both at which I was teaching at.  My phone forecast had been rain all week.  The morning was cool & gray.  We practiced on a slab of pavement to avoid the wet ground.  The weather was actually perfect as our bodies warmed up during flow.  A couple hours later thunderstorms erupted.  The afternoon event was something made up of unicorns & sunbeams, (literal sunbeams, figurative unicorns) the sun shining hot & bright while the rain came down somewhere in between a mist & a sprinkle.

Rainbow weather.

Those times you believe anything is possible.  How often, I think, do I usually believe the opposite?  Fear steps in before belief can take root.  My 2016 resolution/intention was to have a good Summer, to be more positive about it, to see the glass half Summer full.  Knowing I was going to teach at a Summer Solstice event I wrote a Solstice flow.  All week long I taught a particular set of asanas & also alluded to the intangible.  Breathe in & let the golden Summer sun grow bright at your center.  Exhale & let that mystical light spread out all around you.  Send some to those that need it most.  What door do you want to open this Summer?  What path do you want to walk down?

These musings had an effect on me also.  What am I holding onto?  What am I not letting in that should be let in?  How can I let go of fear & open my heart up wider?  My defense mechanisms rise up & clamp down before I even know what’s going on most times.  Last night I shared, when I was afraid of doing something I found much relief in praying that my HP give me the strength to walk through it.  Afterwards, driving home I thought, Damn girl, you just gave yourself your answer.  I found my door.  I found my switchback.

Rainbow weather.  Anything is possible.

In mama news, H & I are stepping on each others toes.  He would prefer to be rocked to bed for an hour & said bed time being at 10pm.  He would also prefer to only eat crackers.  Cracka, he pleads.   Cracka?  Of all that is holy child, please eat something with some nutrition in it!  I’ve been praying much.  I want to dance smoothly with him once more.  We embark on a camping adventure tomorrow.  I will be looking for rainbows to point out to him.  I will say yes more than I will say no.

Pictures below, we visited Antique Powerland, which was not the you-can-climb-all-over the-beloved-old-vehicles as H wished it to be.  Luckily for H my step-dad is a bit of a rebel & did sneak him on quite a few.

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HMMM…WHERE DO I START…

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C’MON PAPA!  HELP ME UP ON THESE THINGS!

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SO MANY TRACTORS, SO LITTLE TIME.

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Ahhh, unicorns, golden light, & Summer Solstice blessings to you all.  Peace & love to all hurt recently & so much more than that multiplied by infinity.

~Namaste

 

 

 

GRACE OR GRIND

Little guy & I took a quick road trip to the ocean a couple of weeks ago.  I had been planning on hitting the Oregon Coast Aquarium in Newport later during our June trip, but I got crazy cabin fever suddenly so we just took off.  I grabbed toothbrushes & pajamas for him just in case.  He was more into the digger outside than the actual aquarium.  We left after I got tired of saying, Look at the fish, over & over again.  He knows what he’s into & I have to respect that.

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JUST POINT ME TOWARDS THE DIGGERS.

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And to his amazement the city of Newport happened to be doing some construction at the foot of the hotel we were staying at (you may be able to barely make out the construction site in the picture right below).  Who needs to look at the ocean when there are excavators to view???

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Staying beach side is the way to go, especially if one is in care of a toddler.  Much easier than getting in the car & schlepping to the beach.  The next day we drove North through Tillamook to Rockaway Beach, destination of a train ride we will take in a couple of weeks.  Train station below, yes he was all over it.

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I AM CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH ANYTHING THAT HAS A STEERING WHEEL.

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ROCKAWAY BEACH

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I WILL CLUTCH CARS, TRAINS, & TRUCKS ON EVERY OCCASION TO BE STRIPPED FROM ME ONLY WHEN I SLEEP!

The weather on the drive up the coast was mystical, sunny perfect weather, I felt like I was in the center of a perfect blue diamond looking out.  I canceled our hotel for the June trip & booked a camping spot walking distance to the beach.  I’m looking forward to it, but also placed an order for a portable dvd player, Curious George on my side to help in a pinch or while I build a fire.

I believe that both AA & yoga are a sort of oral tradition.  You can read about both, you can YouTube yoga videos, but most of the stuff said in meetings & in yoga class is parroted by people who heard it from their friends & sponsors who heard it from their friends & sponsors all the way back & up (& new stuff made up along the way!).  I’ve heard so many good things in meetings that have blown me away.  Those tools that come in handy at the tightest of moments.  I also hear amazing cues in class.  Last week:  Rest your right footprint down on the mat.  Footprint.  Ah, I loved that cue.  Anyone hearing that cue would get it.

Back in Long Beach a woman said her sponsor told her, grace or grind.  You can be led to do the right thing the hard way or the easy way, it’s your choice.  True, many times I bumble around wondering, why is this so hard?  Until I get it.  Other times I know the right thing & I choose the wrong thing on purpose.  I suffer.  I pick back up & start over again.  H is at an age where he knows what he wants (diggers, mama not fish), but many times I find myself pointing at another child saying, see how much fun she has swimming?  Don’t you want to swim like her?  Finding myself forcing him into situations he’s not into.  I’m grateful for the awareness of this.

Grace or grind.

Doesn’t he have his whole life ahead of him to embrace swimming & fish?  Grace comes when I let him choose his own path.  I’m sure I will have moments still of trying to engage him in an unwanted task, isn’t that one of the golden burdens of parenthood?  Wanting your children to experience life & sometimes forgetting to just let them be.

Life is good today.  I’ve subbed for other teachers in the past week & have other classes lined up to sub this Summer.  The first Free Yoga on the Green was today, woo-hoo a bunch of people showed up!  I love being able to facilitate a outdoor space to practice yoga!  That was such a big part of my practice, I hope many people can find the peace I found in it.  I’m grateful for AA & the years I have spent being sober one day at a time.  I would have no good thing in my life if for that.

Wishing/vibing graceful actions & thoughts to you all out there.

Xo & Namaste~