DATA WIPE

I’ve been saving old Iphone pictures and felt like posting some of them here.  I talk about California and more specifically Long Beach, CA in this blog so it feels good to chronicle a bit of the past here.  I would guess that they are from 2010-2013.  Many of them are old Instagram shots.

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LOOKING UP, CAMPING TRIP TO THE REDWOODS IN NORTHERN CA.

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FROM THE SAME CAMPING TRIP, TRAVELING BACK THROUGH SAN JOSE.

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SO THIS WAS THAT OTHER TIME I WAS REALLY INTO YOGA, PRE-BABY.  OUT DOOR FREE YOGA ON THE BLUFF IN LONG BEACH, CA.  I TOOK THAT MAT ON THE CAMPING TRIP AND IT GOT DESTROYED BECAUSE I LEFT IT OUT IN THE DIRT OVERNIGHT!

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TYPICAL SUMMER LONG BEACH CITY SCAPE.

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I PASSED BY THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE LONG BEACH COURTHOUSE ALMOST DAILY SINCE I WORKED ON THE PORT SIDE BUT HAD TO CROSS THROUGH DOWNTOWN TO GET TO YOGA & MEETINGS.

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BILLBOARD IN SAN PEDRO, I JUST LOOKED THIS MOVIE UP AND IT CAME OUT IN 2012.

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MY GOOD FRIEND’S BOOTS AT A WEDDING THAT WAS AT A HORSE RANCH.

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A TRIP TO SANTA BARBARA.

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HOTEL MAYA, LONG BEACH CA.

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THE EXTRA LONG BEACH OF LONG BEACH, CA (THAT IS ME TRYING TO BE FUNNY).

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HOTEL MAYA, LONG BEACH CA.

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CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IN SAN PEDRO, CA I AM PRETTY SURE (???).  IF YOU LOOK CLOSE YOU CAN SEE MY HANDS AND MY OLD CELL, PROBABLY NOT THE SAFEST THING TO DO WHILE DRIVING, HOPEFULLY I WAS AT A LIGHT OR *AHEM* PARKED.

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THIS REALLY ENCAPSULATES MY FORMER PRE-KIDDO LIFE.  CATS, BED, AND NETFLIX, I JUST NEED TO PHOTOSHOP IN A BIG BOOK & SOME VEGAN TACOS.

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THIS IS CORNING, CA THE FIELD BEHIND MY AUNT’S OLD HOUSE.  I GREW UP IN A WEE “TOWN” CLOSE TO HERE CALLED DAIRYVILLE WHICH WAS OUTSIDE OF A SMALL TOWN CALLED RED BLUFF.  HENCE THE NAME AS YOU CAN SEE ALL THE RED DIRT.  

I spent months planning my baby shower.  I spent hours and hours fine tuning my registry.  All of my friends pitched in and had little jobs I assigned to them.  They were all great about it and the shower was one of the happiest days of my life.  My parents drove down and were going to take me straight back to Oregon after the shower was over.  That was it, I had to say goodbye right there to all of my friends.

In the rush, packing, and excitement I left my phone (that I took most of these pictures with) at the house I had my shower at.  I sat around 9 months pregnant shotgun of my parent’s Honda as my step-dad drove my car ahead.  I didn’t have a phone for a couple of weeks.  I ended up getting a new phone.  My little old red Iphone arrived in the mail later.  I saw all of the texts from my friends.  The friend that recovered the phone did her best to text them all what had happened.

I remember feeling powerless over that happening, like my past in Long Beach and my friends were wiped by my leaving my Iphone.  Like I just deleted them like I would do a bunch of old emails.

It obviously wasn’t true.  That was just a momentary feeling.  What do we know about that but facts aren’t feelings.  What happens if I lose all the pictures I have ever taken of H?  Will I still remember everything?  Sometimes that anxiety gets to me.

The pictures are around and saved in various medias.  My friends are there and I am here and that’s okay.  I hope to get over there soon.

Peace & love to you all~

 

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I AM ENOUGH, I HAVE ENOUGH

I had forgotten last post to write about how I have been randomly (and not so randomly) gifted three pairs of yoga pants!  One kind of ‘silly’ thing I let go of in 2015 was an old black pair that fit me just right until they didn’t any more.  I had been sewing all the holes in them for a while.  When my friend came to visit a couple weeks ago (she reads the blog and saw my post about the pants) she brought me a brand new Lululemon pair which I have since only taken off after sternly reminding myself that they will last way longer if I only wear them to yoga.  The are soft.  They are comfy.  They fit perfectly.  And my other yoga buddy gifted me two pairs she had outgrown, one I am wearing below.  Thanks friends & Universe!

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NEW PURPLE PAIR ABOVE.

In other news, we have all been S I C K (we are now all better).  Sickness is the worst as a mom because you do that instant mental scramble of wondering if it’s worth it to go to a place where you know people are sick (which is always pretty good odds!), or who will take care of your kid if your normal babysitters are unable to.  I don’t want to be shut in all day because I’m scared of getting sick and then I hate being shut in all day because we are sick.  I definitely fail when it comes to slowing down for a while.  I refuse basically to slow down.  But when your kid ONLY wants to lay on you 24/7 what other choice do you have?  We were pretty much camped out on the couch for DAYS:

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WE EAT HERE.  WE SLEEP HERE.

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TEA & CARTOONS.

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SICK:  THIS IS ALL WE DID ALL…DAY…LONG…

I broke down one day with my mom and cried.  I still have such a hard time when things come out sideways.  I don’t like crying.  I don’t like not having it all together.  I’m not only dealing with complete inactivity, I thought, but now my desire for perfectionism is rearing it’s ugly head!  I was grateful to meet with my sponsor the next day and unravel to her.  Seasons, times, set-backs, up hill, down hill, it’s all tiny, medium, or large chunks of life we reside in.  How I choose to deal with life varies.  I know it helps if I live just one day at a time.  I got better, I went back to meetings.  Some people came up to talk me after the last meeting I went to.  I thought, am I in Long Beach?  It felt good.  I felt a part of.  I leave meetings early sometimes so I can put H to bed.  I received texts and calls, are you okay?  I saw you leave the meeting early.

And H and I were able to start taking our walks again.  Just taking a short walk really resets our day:

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STICKS!  I LOVE STICKS!

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EVERY TIME:  DUMP POPCORN ON HEAD.  WEAR CONTAINER AS HAT.  SCATTER POPCORN WILLY NILLY.

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SOME AFTER HOURS POSING AT THE WOODBURN AQUATIC CENTER.

I’ve come up with a new mantra for now:

I’m enough.

I have enough.

It’s been giving me a lot of peace.  Take it if you need it.

Yoga is awesome!  People come to my classes!  I am a yoga teacher!  I love it.  I am grateful for it.

Oh yeah, and I got on the sub list at Escape to Yoga in Sherwood, OR!  Woo-hoo!  I’m so excited to teach there and be a part of that studio!  I’m already signed up for some March dates.  Very exciting, a lot of work I put in, and now it feels goooooood.

Sending out peaceful vibes to you all.

~Namaste.

THE JOY OF TIME

The following quotes from the movie, JOY are generously paraphrased as I looked all over the internets and couldn’t find them and didn’t want to take up too much valuable time during H’s nap:

     “Time rolls backward, stops, and then starts again.”

&

     “When you hide from other people, you hide from yourself too.”

I obviously super-digged this movie, go out and see it, especially if you think life is hard (!), and you are always trying with all of your might to get yourself and your family into a better place.

Time as a theme is appropriate too as another friend from Long Beach, CA came to visit me and we got caught up on the time we had spent away from each other.  I visited LB when H was about 6 months old but she was getting married and we had absolutely no time to talk.  It’s a strange thing to wonder and miss someone and then get to see them and hear what they were going through a year and a half later.

Rolling back.  Pausing.  Starting again.

Like all of my friends from CA, she is super easy to be with.  They all shine, those friends, such a stark difference from the friends I had before when I was drinking.  It used to amaze me in Long Beach that all of my friends were always trying to be better in a deep intrinsic spiritual sense.  Working the steps.  Finding sponsees.  Giving back.  Venturing outside the bounds of AA into churches or yoga teacher trainings, even to Africa.  Giving back to the earth, humans, and animals.  Thinking about others more than themselves.  It refreshed me to be around this woman this past weekend, it grounded me and reminded me of where I want to go.  It’s not that I haven’t found people like that here, it’s just that I logged years and years with those other friends, I grew and watered the roots of those deep relationships.

It’s always startling and joyful to have someone from there here.  She came with me to my meetings and it was hard to not turn and pinch her arm to make sure she wasn’t a mirage.  I had been hearing a nudge in my spirit to ask her to pray for me about a subject I still struggle with a lot.  I tried to ignore it because I just didn’t feel like going there.  I didn’t want to be vulnerable.  I didn’t want to feel what I would feel if I asked her.  The nudge was strong though, and I did ask her as she dropped me off, her flight taking off the next morning.  She grabbed my hand and prayed for me.  I started crying, whatever I had been holding onto I was able to let go of.  I still feel fearful and on edge about the subject but I feel a peace about it too.

When you hide from other people you hide from yourself.

Ack!  Uncover, discover, discard.  Like a 4th & 5th step, it brings up a lot of muck, but when it gets washed away you feel brand new.

Yoga is going really well.  I was day dreaming last week and I missed my exit to class.  10 minutes later I was finally able to exit and get back on the freeway.  I was 10 minutes late to class!  Well this is a new and very unpleasant experience, was one of the many negative thoughts I had.  I am a serial dreamer but I also am very type A too.  I don’t like being late!  Especially when all of these students were waiting on me!  I asked my mom if I could hand H off to her a little earlier in the morning just in case something happens like this again.  I take teaching yoga very seriously, our teacher told us to respect other people’s time, and I really do.

Time.  Valuable & unmeasurable time.

It taught me some humility too.  I’m not perfect.  I held onto it and then I let it go.

H nears two years old!!!  I started planning his party which won’t be as colorful and detailed as last years, but still cute and fun (of course).  There are so many things about him right N O W that I hope I remember forever.  How he climbs up everything and tries to climb walls.  How he uses all of his signs.  How he only speaks words for things he loves, mama, papa, nana, wall, blue, choo-choo, wawa, num-nums, pops (popcorn), and cheese.  How he feels when I’m holding him right after he’s fallen asleep.  How he wants to figure stuff out, why something fits, why something doesn’t.  How he jumps up and down and says, mama! when I get home.  How he picks up sticks and walks around with them proudly when we go outside.  How he is beginning to negotiate right and wrong.  How he asks for choo-choo’s and num-num’s when he wakes up from his nap.  So much.  What a gift he is even when he’s throwing tantrums.

It snowed last week, it does so here very rarely.  We enjoyed it:

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It began to freeze.  Then melt.

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We stayed inside where it was warm.

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My friend and I went to The Grotto in Portland and had long conversations about religion & spirituality.

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Treasured tiny pockets of T I M E:

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Time is like an almost two toddler, rushing along.  We hold the past and present inside and we still walk forward.

Thinking with gratitude on all of my past woes and struggles, hoping I can help someone who feels today the way I once felt.

Sending peace & love to all I know and all I don’t.

~Namaste

 

MANIFESTING UNICORNS & ECT.

Do you ever feel like dreams beget more dreams?  As I fell asleep last night (which happened three times as H decided to keep waking up)  along with all of the other hubbub buzzing in my brain I thought, what I wouldn’t give for a clone.  I’d send her downstairs right now to do a, b, and c.

Sadly, that is not possible.  And perhaps I am just meant to do what I do when I do it even if that means putting train track together all day (I’m not sure who likes H’s train set better, him or me).  The last two weeks have been what I think of as reflection times for me, along with all of the holidays, family, and break in the normal routine.  I always get super reflective during trips and Christmas.  I always live in a mental place where I’m between the old and the new, and questioning what will be the new?  And centering and figuring out what more I want to do with my life.  And dreaming.  Pretty easy to have dreams in a place like this:

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The rain splattered plastic cover in the foreground is a hot tub.

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Rain.  Snow.  Wind.  Sun.  Rainbows.

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H & I’s room.

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This particular house came with a baby gate at the top of the stairs, toys, toddler cups/plates, and even a high chair.

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H & his Papa.

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I wanted to break this up into two posts but it’s already 2016 so a 2015 Christmas already seems like so last week.

The power went out the first night.  We (meaning my cousins) started a fire by candlelight and we ate pizza.  I had to teach yoga the next night and morning after so I left H there after he went down for a nap.  My parents arrived before he woke up and took care of him that night.  Can you see by the above pictures how awesome they are?

Before I left we went into Hood River to this rad spot for a bite.  On the way back to the car my cousin and I spotted a Charlie Brown style Christmas tree lounging against the wall.  It was obviously (to us at least) discarded so we began to plot about how to get it back to the Mosier house.  It already had tinsel all over it!  She picked up said tree and squished it into my car trunk (I was pushing H in his stroller).  I think my favorite moment of the whole trip was crossing a busy intersection with her and looking back at her carrying that thing and the expression on her face was not one of embarrassment but of joy and pride.  I brought some ornaments from home and there it sat sideways the whole week.  We talked about making a stand but just let it go.

I had a couple of late night conversations with my other cousin and her girlfriend in the hot tub overlooking the gorge.  About dreams mostly, and yes manifesting unicorns if you will.  Manifesting the impossible.  Dreaming about stuff and then working hard.

I love being around my family I don’t get to see on the regular.  We grew up together, throwing shoes across HWY 99E at each other, always being mischievous.  Always wanting more.  Always testing the limits.  I wanted to write this post when it was still 2015, but in the last week I have felt a lot of sadness.  I needed time to process.  I miss not being around them all of the time.  No matter how old I get I still feel that.

And the food.  My cousin’s gf is a chef and it was quite the treat to hear in the morning, Sis, how would you like you eggs cooked?  She’s seriously like a magician.

I taught a detox class of sorts this past week.  Lots of chairs and twists.  At the end I encouraged students to let go of something toxic in 2016.  Cliche, yes but I’m still down with it.  I decided to throw out my favorite yoga pants.  I keep darning the holes in them and they keep sagging down at the waist.  Making room for the new, even if it’s just yoga pants.

Last year on 1-7-15 my New Year’s resolution was yoga.  Can you believe that?  I was falling down this time last year trying to flow.  My balance was whack.  I couldn’t hold anything for long.  I was a yoga baby.  Going back to unicorns, who knew I would start to practice regularly, go to teacher training, start teaching free yoga in the park, and then finally get a yoga gig???!!!  I believe in unicorns, you better believe.

This year I’ve gone back and forth on intentions.  My main will still be following the yoga path.  Then it is S U M M E R.  I do not like Summer.  I get depressed like people get depressed in the Winter.  It’s hot and I don’t like shorts.  I want to eat and hide.  I just get really negative.  This year I want to manifest a different kind of Summer and really enjoy it with H.

I also want to focus on the five Y A M A S:  Ahisma, Satya, Asteya, Brachmacharya, & Aparigraya.  Look it up.

Manifesting a rich and love-filled 2016 to you and our beautiful Earth.

~Namaste.