I guess everyone will have a reprieve of sorts after the next week or so as school goes on break and people begin to travel towards loved ones to celebrate Christmas. If you’re familiar with me or this blog you know how much I love rain, Winter, Christmas, ect. In the week before Christmas I’m trying to take it all in and enjoy it. The lights in ‘downtown’ Wilsonville. The Christmas songs. The decorations around the house. I’m also thinking about my intention/resolution for 2016. Living in the moment, being grateful for the past, and visualizing goals for the future. A tricky line to walk.
We went to the Nutcracker yesterday, my first live Nutcracker performance! We ate lunch in downtown Portland before the show, what a treat to go into the big city and just relish the day. Sans boys, it was me, my mom, my two step-sisters, and their two daughters. I spent pretty much the whole day without H, always bittersweet. A nice break but I always miss him. It feels like I’m missing a limb. He grows bigger and heavier. Where did my little baby go? I wonder.
And more meandering around at home below:
Yoga is going well, I’m seeing the same faces almost every class. I haven’t had any more classes where no one showed up. I kept gearing myself up for it but it didn’t happen. I can’t tell you how much I love seeing someone walk in with their mat! It’s the best. I’ve been finding my glide into the teaching groove as well. I pick a theme for the week and just add and subtract new or old stuff each class. For my night and morning turnaround classes, I come home, get H to bed and sleep in my yoga clothes, ha.
I had recently been feeling homesick for Long Beach AGAIN. I wasn’t feeling the meetings here and felt like no one liked me, basic lies your head will tell you. I struggled with it for a couple days and finally came to the conclusion via the Higher Power that I just wasn’t in acceptance about people places or things. No place is perfect. I can’t hold LB on this high pedestal because it wasn’t perfect there either. I have to find my place in meetings and AA here continually because I have to look out for my sobriety. It passed. It may be the season. My friends in Long Beach are my family too, just not by blood. I was walking around at home in a tank and long john pants I always wear. They were each separately passed down to me by a bff in LB. I realized right then that I carry them with me, in that place of the heart that no one can see. I carry them with me in the tangible and the spiritual. Uh, I feel so strange feeling homesick right now about all this stuff. But it is what it is, right?
What happened to Friday nights? Someone asked me last night at the meeting. I had in a attempt to reach out to women here, been inviting them to coffee before the Friday meeting, and hadn’t done so the last couple of weeks. Another sweet girl texted me and I opened up to her. She said she will be my friend and go to meetings with me. I give an inch and my HP gives me back light years. As per usual.
Christmas next week! My family traveling up from SoCal & NorCal! I hope the weather agrees with their travel.
Wishing everyone out there a very peaceful Christmas week eve.