My master teacher in training used to say that the opposite of love is fear. I had presumed it before that to be hate, but I now agree that hate springs from fear. My prayers for the upset and bloodshed in France and all over the whole world, those unknown hot pockets of darkness, is that those responsible for the violence (past and future) will have love instead of fear manifest. There is a lot of noise about the issue all over T.V. and social media. I’m choosing to ignore most of it and just pray.
We drove up to Mosier, OR last week to check out the digs my cousin rented for Christmas. Minuscule town that packs a big view.
After seeing the town we flitted through Hood River. Since there wasn’t a chain grocery store in Mosier, we wanted to see what stores were in Hood River. My cousin’s partner is a chef and she wanted me to report about fresh ingredients. Then onto Troutdale to check out McMenamins Edgefield. Whoa, have you been there? It’s amazing. A long, snake-like HOT soaking pool, restaurants, gardens, orchards, a little golf course, a movie theater, and a ton of quirk. Everything is painted. By everything, I mean just about everything. Electrical outlets, sides of barns no one really walks by. Little mini murals everywhere. You have to just go there to understand I think. The pictures are full of strange humor, reminds me to not take myself too seriously. I didn’t like any pictures of the paintings except the balls on the railings and this door:
I always feel like many forms of art and painted stuff has to be seen in person to feel the full amount of beauty. H was only too grateful to get out of the car and run around.
And back home to help papa out with the gravel:
H is teething four teeth, is super snotty (teething or cold, we aren’t sure), and is very fussy/needy too. I always have moments where I feel like a bad mom because then I feel fussy/needy, ha. I have to remind myself about all of the good mom stuff I do when he is so fractious. We spent some time before nap time balancing a hair tie on his big toe. I am always amazed by what he thinks is funny. Then I read a bunch of books to him before his nap. It’s been nice too to have this little gig in Milwaukie to go teach at to take some time for myself. And meetings. When we were at the McMenamins I noticed the martinis. I have never been one to say that the craving for alcohol has completely left me. I don’t think about it every day at all, and huge chunks of time pass where I am not conscious of it. But it’s still there and I always have to play the tape. Playing the tape has always been a big save for me. I will do a bunch of things I will regret. Those little things are reminders to me of why it’s better for me and everyone that I don’t drink.
I’ve been living more in the moment lately too which have grown from some new discoveries. At my last teaching session during the end meditation I had a flash of prayer, like my whole soul was asking my HP for help with my future and this yoga stuff. I haven’t been doing that. My funds are running low and I’ve been stressing out a lot. A huge character defect of mine is trying to hash stuff out myself instead of relying on my HP. I did some writing for a step study I’m in. We’re on step 11 on prayer and meditation. I wrote: I am afraid that my HP can’t help me or won’t help me. I’m afraid my HP won’t do anything. That my HP is impotent and doesn’t care about me.
I was very surprised to see that. These are old beliefs that I had thought I had gotten over. So, it gave me some clarity. It made me remember that I have a new HP. It made me see that I may have to refine my vision of my HP more. And I will pray. I will focus on praying more. Instead of always trying to steam roll my way through stuff.
Whew! I’m so grateful for the steps, HP, the program, my family, my son! I’m so grateful for all I have! I don’t really need for anything.
I hope all of your needs (and some of your wants?) get met today as well.
Xo & namaste~